Dear Diary
by taylorgoesrawr
Summary: [Oneshot] Basically about what Taylor would have said had she been writing in an actual diary. [Onesided TaylorJackson]


Just a little one-shot about what Taylor would have said had she been writing in an actual diary instead of the video diary that everyone was using. Kinda sad. Please review! Oh and _**no flames please.**_

Thankyou!

Disclaimer: I definitely do not own Flight 29 Down. At all. But it would be _so_awesome if I did! 'Cause then I could have put much more Taylor/Jackson moments in it!

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Dear Diary, 

It almost seems like a dream. This whole plane crash thing, I mean. I keep thinking that I'm gonna wake up any minute now and just go back to any normal day at school and forget all this. But I know that's not true, and that fact is, I might be stuck here on this island for months, or even years. And do you wanna know something? That scares me a lot more then I'd like to let anyone know. And having everyone around me thinking that I'm just some snobby rich brat that can't do anything right isn't helping this situation at all. I may be rich, but that doesn't mean I'm a bad person right? No. Definitely not.

My parents seemed to let the 'rich' factor get to their heads a long time ago. They're never home, always out late for work stuff and all that. I realized a while ago that my father was cheating on my mother, and vice versa. I swore to myself a long, _long_ time ago that I would never be like them. I would never do that to anyone.

And everyone seems to think that I'm mean just because I am, but that's also not true. I just really don't want to get hurt. And yet, no one can ever see through the act. They all hate me.

The only people I'm positive that don't are Lex and Jackson. To be honest, they're really the only people I'm sure I can trust right now. You see, Lex is like the only true friend I have in this place, he's like the little brother I never had. But Jackson... well, he's another story.

It's like when I see him, it sets something like fireworks off inside me and I get nervous. I like him a lot, maybe even to the extent of love. And it stinks, because I can never just worry about myself anymore. I know that sounds horrible, but its true. When your stuck on an island, your first priority is to watch out for yourself. It's like I still have to worry about myself, but now with the weight of worrying about Jackson also added onto my shoulders. It just makes everything so much harder to live with.

I'd never tell him any of this though. Why? Because while he may like me, he'll always like Melissa more. And while that may hurt, it kills me to know that I'd never be better then Melissa in his eyes.

Gods I can't _stand_ Melissa! But I know that by making Jackson like me, even if it is only by a little, she hates me more then I could _ever_ hate her. And that just makes more pressure added onto my shoulders, knowing that one more person out of the bunch I'm stuck here with hate me.

I can probably guarantee that under the pressure of being trapped on an island, liking a boy that could never place you first over the girl you dislike greatly, and having practically everyone else on that island you're stranded with hate you, well I'd say anyone else in my shoes would crack.

And I already have.

Just no one knows it. But I guess its better that way. Then I'd have to add something else to my list of what to worry about, if they found out.

Wanna know something else? Before this whole stranded thing happened, I had liked Eric. Not anything too major, just a little crush. But then I met Jackson, and the only thing I could think of was, 'Eric who?'. I know thats really mean, but I can't help it. I suppose this is what they mean by 'Love at first sight'. Lucky me eh? Pfft.

I know most people would say I'm overreacting and that it's just a silly crush that'll disappear once we get saved and go home (If that'll ever happen). But it's so much more than that. If you knew how sick I feel when I see him look at her the way only he could, how much it hurts when he smiles at me, how it feels like someone punched me in the stomach every time his name is mentioned, well then, I'd say that you'd know exactly that what I'm feeling is so much more then just a _silly crush_.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to get over it. Get over him.

And almost immediately after I end up doubting it. Because no matter what, I know that the space I've left in my heart for Jackson could never be filled by anyone else but him. But I also realize, that even if he were to end up mine, he'd _still_ always care for Melissa more. And I'd hate myself for that.

So I guess now I know what the saying 'Fate is cruel' means.

I also know that no matter what, I have to give him up. It's quite obvious that he chose her, and it doesn't matter what I do, I know I can never change that.

So I officially give up this fight.

I can never beat her, so what's the point to even try? Like I said before, I really don't want to get hurt. And falling for Jackson has already hurt me far too much for me to handle.

But never accuse me of not caring for him. Ever.

Because I love him. I love him so much it hurts.

And when you love someone, you set them free right?

So that's what I'm doing.

Because I know that one way or another, he's going to end up with her. I can feel it. And while knowing that I was never good enough for him from the beginning kills me to no end, I'll live. It seems so hard right now, but I know I will. As long as he's happy, I'll be alright.

Because sometimes when you love someone, you have to think of them before yourself.

And thats _exactly_ what I'm doing.

Sincerely,

Taylor


End file.
